Season 2, 010: In this last edition of Season Two, let's share our stories of account-keeping - those times when we need to take a frank look at who we are, what we've lost, what we've got...
Dear Tanya - I send gentle thoughts to you and your mother as you share hours of closeness and face private challenges. You are both in my thoughts often - because your writing gave me the chance to know your lives. To have that chance is a privilege. To learn how you came through pressures, crises, woes became inspirational. You are the bravest of the brave for doing that, for hurling away the mask, for not giving in, for fighting for your very identity. You will be drawing on that same shared strength now, I know.
I looked back at the three pieces I've contributed for The Cure for Sleep prompts and 'The most powerful gesture' for Gestures stands out as my 'favourite'. It takes me right back to a range of emotions over a lifetime, but has greater significance for honouring my dear dad. It speaks of his final day, and reminds me of the grief that is the inevitable price for love. In reading so many of the pieces posted by other writers, and certainly in your writing, this pairing are powerful players.
I hope you and your mother find comfort in the love that shines through in all the comments here. That love is the reflection of what you've shown to us, your community.
So moved by your words here, Paul. Thank you. And I will love having you as a featured writer in a Season Three newsletter. In a few weeks I will come back here to comments with link to a form with a few questions I'd love you to answer so I can offer a short profile of you to readers of my substack, alongside your featured piece. Txx
For Season Three of The Cure for Sleep with Tanya Shadrick…
As you know, I’m wanting to begin featuring pieces from the story archive, and hope also to share some thoughts from their authors.
I’ve been trying to create a form for this purpose, but it’s getting too complicated. Instead, if you’d like to be featured, please may I ask you to give the following information here in comments?
Where are you based (country or county is fine)
Your bio (no more than 50 words; written in third person)
A link to your website or social media – only if you’d like that to be included
(Remind me of) The piece you’d like featured
Where are you in your creative journey right now – and how does writing for this story-sharing community support that? (no more than 100 words)
Is there anything else you’d like to say about how you came to join this community? (no more than 100 words)
(This was the third part of something I wrote a while back, the first part was about the women in my family, the second me as a mother. This is where play re-enters my life.)
Post-nest
Isostatic rebound – the rise of land masses that were depressed by the huge weight of ice sheets during the last ice age
I will go feral, slog off the domestication and responsibility that I willingly surrendered to when I entered motherhood, spend days in the woods, less constricted from others as well as my own tightly cocooned constraints. I re-wild my mind, learn to lean into the sun and let go in the wind, to bite when necessary, to sink into creek beds and to wallow in dirt like a buffalo, assured that where I wallow the deepest will become a vernal pool. No technology beyond a wooden clothespin, I will read stones and practice erosion, I will huff and stomp like a deer and run when life closes in. I will map wildflowers and sing to stars, read spots on fawns like the gypsy reads tarot cards, and be tossed like a willow in wind. I will uncurl, loosen like a fern, arch my back, further, further, opening up to the sky, I will receive. I will wrap myself in moss. I will be the pig digging and rooting through layers of soil to find what I want and devour it whole. I will be the cow that refuses to be prodded back into the barn, the cow who will face the elements and eat all the grass, trusting that it will regenerate. I will relax in the pasture, conversing with birds as they pick bugs out of my hair and absorb the day and the sunshine and the shade and the gray storm clouds and the rain, all of it.
I won’t be the squirrel who buries the nut and hopes something will be there when she returns.
Louise, Thank you and I hope you do run wild. I smiled big when I read this. If you want to read the two pieces that came before, they are under the Desire heading. xx
For Season Three of The Cure for Sleep with Tanya Shadrick…
As you know, I’m wanting to begin featuring pieces from the story archive, and hope also to share some thoughts from their authors.
I’ve been trying to create a form for this purpose, but it’s getting too complicated. Instead, if you’d like to be featured, please may I ask you to give the following information here in comments?
Where are you based (country or county is fine)
Your bio (no more than 50 words; written in third person)
A link to your website or social media – only if you’d like that to be included
(Remind me of) The piece you’d like featured
Where are you in your creative journey right now – and how does writing for this story-sharing community support that? (no more than 100 words)
Is there anything else you’d like to say about how you came to join this community? (no more than 100 words)
Tanya, After I wrote this, I read a few other comments and so often the phrase "generosity of spirit" was used to describe you that I almost felt I should change it....but then I thought that is nonsense, it gets used so often because it is so true. What a gift you have given us. xxx
Based: a rural county in Pennsylvania, United States
Bio: She is a mum, wife, friend, therapist, woods walker who tucks pieces of paper into pockets, carries thin journals everywhere, stuffed in purses, work bags, backpacks, always ready to catch a word, a phrase, something that strikes. She watches how these words pile up, find each other, shift around until they are stretched out and comfortable, found art.
No link
The hands piece since that's where it all started. So hard to decide!
Creative journey: My creative journey is like a sun-blinded bee, not sure exactly where it is going, but buzzing along nonetheless. Growing up I did not feel creative, never entertained the idea of writing at all, so now, most days, it is just pure fun. I spend a lot of time outside and reading natural history and then wait for the muse to offer links to human longing. Tanya’s space opened up new ways of writing due to having a specific prompt and the requested word limit which challenged me to be more precise and experimental. I have expanded my writing in ways that I wouldn’t have without this community.
Community: I found Tanya after hearing her on the Wintering Sessions with Katherine May and felt this immediate connection. Her book came out and I read and underlined and dog-eared so many pages, finished the book and started it again. Absorbing the spirit of the book, I decided to take a chance, feel the vulnerability of sharing my writing on her site. She has such a generosity of spirit and has created this community that is safe and encouraging for every contributor. She offers us the chance to share our stories, which is nothing less than sharing our lives, safely witnessed. So grateful.
Oh Sheila. That generosity you say you see in me - it comes from that near-death revelation of how little I'd risked and given. And of course the beauty of living now so differently is that I get back much much much more than I offer. I still don't think you fully understand how much I admire your writing, your way of seeing. I feel strongly that there will be a book by you one season soon. It will be my pleasure to showcase your work in a Season Three issue - and I will let you know in advance when 'yours' is due out. Txxx
Mar 9, 2023·edited Mar 10, 2023Liked by Tanya Shadrick
Thank you, this brought a tear to my eye. So grateful for your encouragement and really appreciate that you think I could eventually do a book. I am really enjoying the writing I am doing now, just not even sure how to really describe it or how I could convince someone to publish it. xxx
Well most of my favourite books are hard to describe and don't seem to fit the prevailing publishing models of their time & place - what they are all infused by is their creators' love for their subjects. And of course once you've created a first draft...well it's not all on you to convince something to publish it. You will find supporters who help you with that (and I'd love to be one of those of course...) xxx
That's a nice way of thinking about it, that it doesn't have to fit the standard model. I will keep plucking away. I sincerely appreciate that offer. I know you are very busy now, but if you ever open up any paid mentorships, I will sign up immediately. Until then, I will continue to enjoy this project! Thank you! xx
Sheila - a joy to read this piece again. I'll be getting a link to a form out through this comments area next week through which I'd love you to say a bit about yourself so that I can use it alongside your piece when I feature you in a season 3 newsletter. While I'm using this annual gap month in the public side of the project to do behind the scenes work on it, I'm missing the monthly pleasure of putting a new prompt out for the community. Begin again at the end of March! Txxx
Thank you! I had a hard time deciding, started looking back through and want to change everything....Also, I saw your recommendation for All My Wild Mothers by Victoria Bennett and have been loving it. So good!
I've let Vik know that a very talented writer in this community has read and loved her book - and without naming you, I asked if might introduce you to Vik by email later in the year (if you'd like that) as I think you'd be a great contributor for her Wild Woman Writing Web - a monthly short essay, that in the past has included me, illustrator Jackie Morris and many more. Vik was thrilled to know her book was speaking to another woman in a different country, and she'd be glad for me to put you in touch.
Tanya, Wow, that would be amazing. I recently subscribed to her site and have loved reading through some of it and now that I've finished the book want to explore more thoroughly. She has done so much there. I bought a copy of The Lost Words a few years ago even though my kids were well beyond sitting and reading with me. Also incredible. It would really be an honor to be included. Can't even believe this! Thank you, again.
I am a 68-year-old woman. This is the first time in my life that I am starting to feel old, even though I am still vibrant and energetic. Six years ago, I was forced to retire from an administrative county government job as a Director of Mental Health, Trauma, and Addiction Services. I was demoted a few months before my retirement based on age and gender discrimination, and my salary was cut by $30,000. It was the anti-climactic end of my 35-year career. It was a devastating loss.
I shifted my intellectual, analytical thinking to a more creative focus during the pandemic. I studied modern dance, which became a substitute for my job. However, it was a very different process, a different language. It was not a linear way of figuring things out; it was circuitous, grounded, and embodied. It became a way of creating beauty.
I had to become a beginner and put my ego aside to discover this new way of being. I became aware of my habits and patterns of movement. I had to allow my system to recalibrate and rewire from habitual patterns. My body trauma kept showing up. I had to take notice rather than bypass what felt uncomfortable and unfamiliar. I was holding my breath stuck with all the trauma I had stuffed into my body.
Six years later, I see myself in a new light. I thought my job was holding me hostage. Little did I know, it had become my job to hold onto all the trauma I had carried since childhood. My shoulders dropped as I let go. I could finally exhale as my eyes sparkled with curiosity. I have laugh lines and crow’s feet from weathering the storm. I have time now to question the paradox of ephemeral beauty.
Another moving piece from you, Anne. How glad I am you are part of this ongoing project.
There isn’t a section in the curated collection for this prompt, as I put it out when my mum was very ill for the first time. I’d love to add it to the archive though so wonder which of these feels like the best fit? Do let me know which of Birthday Letters, Size & Shape or Time would be best…
On my second reading, I found myself being hit harder by the first part of your piece: those figures really hitting home - your 35 year career in such an important field being forced to an end, partly by that cruel and unusual $30k salary cut (which is one of the shocking ways large institutions force redundancies/resignations). And really taking that in, the enormity of it, makes your story of how you’ve responded these last six years still more moving.
I was catatonic on the couch in an all too familiar swamp of depression.
Feeling worthless, pointless, listless-basically a plethora of adjectives ending in less, I decided that something had to give. I was genuinely fearful of what would happen if things continued as they were.
I dug out the sportiest attire I could muster, creased and foisty, after being neglected at the back of my wardrobe for years. Luckily, I found some trainers that looked the jogging type, although flattened and warped under bin bags full of bedding, which was past its best, but disposing of them had never been high on the priority list. I recalled buying them years earlier, when I had reached a previous depression wall; adamant that I would exercise it out of me.
Instead, I had dived into the sticky, tumultuous whirpool of self medication.
White powders, illuminous pills, and rivers of fizzy, amber liquid sedatives, followed by sleepy days in dark bedrooms, unsure if the light cast through the curtain crack was signalling dusk or dawn.
This realisation that ten years on, and I was still using the same coping mechanisms, ones which evidently weren’t working, spurred me on to pull on my leggings and tie up my trainers.
I left the house feeling like it was my first day at high school, head down, desperate not to look up and witness the giggles and points that my brain told me were inevitably occuring.
My head was dizzy, I felt nauseous, and with every step, my brain willed me to collapse to the ground, and just die.
I did my five minute warm up walk with a steely determination though, reaching the canal towpath, where I chose to jog, as I hoped it would be quiet, with minimal eyeballs to avoid.
The thick, black lettering on the giant wall of Chipwood was the ultimate laugh at my expense.
TOWPATH CLOSED.
I turned back, feeling ridiculous and dejected. This was a stupid idea anyway, I’m incapable of sticking to anything, and what difference is a bit of jogging going to make to my shit life anyway?
As I turned the corner to my house, a voice boomed through my headphones, telling me the warm up walk was nearly over and I needed to prepare myself to jog.
To my amazement, I walked straight past my house, and found myself on the stretch of scrubland next to the river a few streets away.
Even more shocking, a minute later and I found myself jogging.
Thirty seconds in and beads of sweat freckled my head, my lungs felt like they were burning, and my fatty stomach rippled below my DD boobs, nowhere near being properly supported by my ill fitting bra.
The intermittent walking was welcomed.
More than a pint of cold cider on a hot day, even more than a bump of cocaine after a week of serving others.
I hadn’t done this much physical exercise in years and it hurt, it really hurt.
I got home and looked in the mirror. My face was a big wet, red balloon-bloated and shiny.
If only I could stick a pin in and drain out all the crap. If only it was that easy.
In the following weeks, I dragged my defiant fat rolls, kicking and screaming (albeit lazy kicks) out onto hard concrete on a regular basis.
After a while belly laughs re-emerged, without breathlessness and without substances.
Lauren - you have such an ability to recreate a scene... I love what you're doing with these, and if you're able to edit this down from over 500 to the 300-word limit, I'd love to include it in the story archive... I appreciate you may not want to do that of course, so it will still find readers here in the thread.
I have in the past occasionally accepted pieces just over the 300-word limit, but now that the project has grown so much I'm needing to let everyone know when their contributions are over the limit!
I was catatonic on the couch in an all too familiar swamp of depression.
Feeling worthless, pointless, listless-basically a plethora of adjectives ending in less.
After diving into the sticky, tumultuous whirlpool of self medication, something had to give.
White powders, illuminous pills, and rivers of fizzy, amber sedatives, followed by sleepy days in dark bedrooms; unsure if the light cast through the curtain crack was signalling dusk or dawn just wasn’t working.
I left the house feeling like it was my first day at high school.
My head was dizzy, I felt nauseous, and with every step, my brain willed me to collapse to the ground, and just die.
Reaching the canal, the thick, black lettering on the giant wall of Chipwood was the ultimate laugh at my expense.
TOWPATH CLOSED.
This was a stupid idea anyway-what difference is a bit of jogging going to make to my shit life?
As I turned the corner to my house, a voice boomed through my headphones, telling me the warm up walk was nearly over
Amazingly, I walked straight past my house, and a minute later had started to jog.
Thirty seconds in and beads of sweat freckled my head, my lungs felt like they were burning, and my fatty stomach rippled below my DD boobs.
The intermittent walking was welcomed-more than a pint of cold cider on a hot day, or a bump of cocaine after a week of serving others.
I got home and looked in the mirror. My face was a big wet, red balloon-bloated and shiny.
If only I could stick a pin in and drain out all the crap.
In the following weeks, I dragged my defiant fat rolls out onto hard concrete most days.
After a while belly laughs re-emerged, without breathlessness, without substances.
How well you recreate that time in your life - and a time so many of us have shared, even if the details of medication, weight, sadness are different. And that effort required to start moving differently, without audience, encouragement, external reward: how powerfully you show the weight of inertia, and what it takes to push through it.
There isn't a page in the story archive for the Taking Stock thread (it was the only month I wasn't able to issue a prompt, due to my mother's terminal diagnosis just being received). So I have curated it in the Rebirth theme. I hope that's okay...
I would like my piece The whistle to be included as it celebrates my dad, a beautiful man who fought hard to stay with his family through illness but ultimately was called home to his maker ,and for all children that have to cope with the loss of a parent at a young age .
To parents from islands near and far from the UK .
Mother ,woman, hopeful human being .
Lover of words always on the look out for a soulful line to capture my heart .
Jack of all trade's sometimes nursery nurse to Gp receptionist ,Kitchen table thinker and writer when the mood takes me .
My writing came from wanting to purge feelings that I knew not where to put and this community has been a really beautiful place to place them. I most of all enjoy being able to delve inside people heads by way of their writing and as C.S.lewis says in the film shadowlands we read to know we're not alone ,this I have found to be complete true .
My journey to writing is yet to be written so i look forward to turning the pages and seeing what happens next .
So thanks a million as they say in ireland to Tanya, who without this community ,I would not be sure that my words would of made it out of mind or heart .
Love this biography you've shared Monique, and the Lewis ref. How much I love that film (and his book about that loss, A Grief Observed). It will be a pleasure to feature you and that beautiful tribute you wrote to your father. I will let you know when 'your' issue is coming up. Thank you as ever for being such a generous and bright-shining member of our community here. Excited for Season 3 starting next week! Txxx
Paul lives near Oxford. After a career teaching Classics, he now walks extensively within the British Isles and writes about nature. His writing ranges from ultra-short form to essays exploring threatened landscapes. He is heading towards the finishing line of Bath Spa University’s MA Travel and Nature Writing course.
Some of his work can be found at www.aleatorscribit.org. Twitter: @gegegamble Instagram: aleator1962
I chose ‘The most powerful gesture’ for my featured piece. Through recapturing a moment or episode from long ago, I often reach a better understanding of subsequent feelings and behaviour. I found my way to such writing before I was aware of The Cure for Sleep, but Tanya’s generous curation of writers’ offerings inspired me to fresh thinking and greater awareness of why I am as I am. A fledgling book project will see me revisiting many places from my past. Memories will be stirred, and the encouragement of Tanya and her community will help me to understand these.
Dear Tanya, thinking of you in these precious days for you and sending love.
I've re-read the three pieces I have written and my contribution to 'Gestures Remembered' is the one I am most proud of as it evokes precious people to me.
I have done some slightly more difficult writing in response to Taking Stock but I think it would sit wrongly on this feed - I have gone, as you suggested, where the resistance was. Instead, I have put it under Mirrors.
For Season Three of The Cure for Sleep with Tanya Shadrick…
As you know, I’m wanting to begin featuring pieces from the story archive, and hope also to share some thoughts from their authors.
I’ve been trying to create a form for this purpose, but it’s getting too complicated. Instead, if you’d like to be featured, please may I ask you to give the following information here in comments?
Where are you based (country or county is fine)
Your bio (no more than 50 words; written in third person)
A link to your website or social media – only if you’d like that to be included
(Remind me of) The piece you’d like featured
Where are you in your creative journey right now – and how does writing for this story-sharing community support that? (no more than 100 words)
Is there anything else you’d like to say about how you came to join this community? (no more than 100 words)
Louise lives by the sea in South Wales. For a large part of her working life she has been a professional classical singer and since then has zig-zagged across other professions with jobs in farming, politics, mental health and event management. She is a lover of travel and wild places.
I would like my contribution in ‘Gestures Remembered’ to be featured, as it evokes such precious people to me. I am very much a fledgling, new writer. When I read The Cure for Sleep it awakened in me a soul journey of my own. Being part of this precious community has given me not only a safe space but also an imaginative framework to explore and experiment.
I've just curated your incredibly powerful new piece and you'll see my comment on that before this one, most likely. I'm working this week on getting a form set up that I can post a link to in comments so that you and other writers who I will be featuring can answer a few questions for me that I can then put alongside your pieces in future newsletters. xx
I have just read the final words of your soul searching memoir and wow what a journey you have been on, and are still on of course. I don't know that I can accurately capture the ride this book has taken me on over only the few days it took me to devour it. I know I will be forever positively transformed by your gift to the world! I cannot thank you enough!
When I read your opening lines in this 'Taking Stock' post I felt so sad that this impending transition of your relationship with your dear mama was happening so abruptly, however, after reading through many of the beautiful comments and your responses, I am relieved to read that you both, hopefully, have more time than first thought! I wish you and your mama so much peace and tranquility through this final chapter together in this realm. Love and hugs to you both xx
I have yet to share any stories of my own on here, having just found you on this platform. I have been reading through your past work, listening to your podcasts and reading the stories and have found it all to be so inspiring! I plan to share some stories of my own here, as I finally burst out of the aspiring writer's broom cupboard and tell the world that I would love to be a writer too!
Thank you for creating this community Tanya, it is an honour to be here!
Tracey - how very moved I am by the way you've responded so fully to my book, and for your kindness in writing to me like this. I read your words to Nye too, and it meant a great deal to him as well (although I wrote the book, I see it as a product of the life I've shared with him, and so when words like yours come through, I feel they are for him too).
Mum is strangely happy - said to me just the other day after coming home to her little flat after hours out on the mobility scooter we bought after her hospital stay and diagnosis: 'Well if this is dying, Tan, I'm the happiest I've ever been.' It's poignant because of all the years she was kept away from that same happy outgoing self of her 20s by a bad marriage and worries over what people would think if she walked free of it...but joyful too. There will be a harder stage soon, but until we're there, she and I are enjoying every day we have together.
How good it will be to receive some true stories from you in return: and that's all it takes to be a writer in the world after all! Daring to share something of how you see the world and putting it somewhere others will read it - as will happen here.
Oh yes most definitely Nye is an integral part of TCFS and well to be completely honest, I have not met or heard of a man so selfless!
Your mama is amazing, being so willing to embrace happiness and not allow herself to be held back by a myriad of negative emotions. Such a strong woman!
I am looking forward to adding my stories to this beautiful space, thank you again for creating it.
These are heartbreaking news, I am so very sorry to hear them. But your mother is such a strong person and is now surrounded by so much love - I hope with all my heart that you have a year or more together still; it is amazing what love can do. I have arrived at your book and this wonderful space you created not that long ago, but already you and your mother have had a huge positive impact in my life, for which I am so grateful to you both. You have no idea of the strength you give me. Please do pass my thank you, my admiration and my love to Margaret. And much love to you too. xx
I will read these beautiful words to my Mum. Thank you so much Maria. I'm so very glad you were one of my mentees last year - and hope we will be talking about life and writing for a long time to come. xxx
Thank you Wendy. I was in the online audience for Vik's launch last week, while Mum dozed beside me. Had a huge and happy smile on my face when I heard V praise you as one of her mentors! xx
That is a warm, loving photograph of you and your Mum Margaret in a head embrace; fills me with deep feeling. You look so comfortable and connected together. I am so sorry to hear of your Mum's diagnosis. Please send her my warmest thoughts
I share your feelings at the moment. I have just returned from Gloucester where I have been with my brother Michael who was diagnosed with a brain tumour last September. He will die in the next few months. It is a sad, sad time.
Thinking of you, your Mum and my brother pulls me back to the November issue, On Regret. I choose this piece of work because it opens up my memory book of Olive my Mum. Take care xx
For Season Three of The Cure for Sleep with Tanya Shadrick…
As you know, I’m wanting to begin featuring pieces from the story archive, and hope also to share some thoughts from their authors.
I’ve been trying to create a form for this purpose, but it’s getting too complicated. Instead, if you’d like to be featured, please may I ask you to give the following information here in comments?
Where are you based (country or county is fine)
Your bio (no more than 50 words; written in third person)
A link to your website or social media – only if you’d like that to be included
(Remind me of) The piece you’d like featured
Where are you in your creative journey right now – and how does writing for this story-sharing community support that? (no more than 100 words)
Is there anything else you’d like to say about how you came to join this community? (no more than 100 words)
Thank you for your kind words, Steve, and I'm so sorry to know what you and your brother are going through: hard to be the one going; hard to be the ones who have to watch and live on.
I will love to feature you and your words in Season Three. In a few weeks I will use comments here to give you a link to a form with a few questions I'd like you to answer so I can run a profile of you as well as your Regret piece. xx
Tanya, that's very kind. I wasn't sure if you would have time or headspace to look at it. I don't think I have your email address. I hope things aren't too difficult at the moment for you or your mum. I think of you often.
For Season Three of The Cure for Sleep with Tanya Shadrick…
As you know, I’m wanting to begin featuring pieces from the story archive, and hope also to share some thoughts from their authors.
I’ve been trying to create a form for this purpose, but it’s getting too complicated. Instead, if you’d like to be featured, please may I ask you to give the following information here in comments?
Where are you based (country or county is fine)
Your bio (no more than 50 words; written in third person)
A link to your website or social media – only if you’d like that to be included
(Remind me of) The piece you’d like featured
Where are you in your creative journey right now – and how does writing for this story-sharing community support that? (no more than 100 words)
Is there anything else you’d like to say about how you came to join this community? (no more than 100 words)
Dear Tanya…I have been thinking of you and your mum lots since you shared the sad news with all of us. What a privilege it has been to be an active witness to her story, her unfolding late in life….her courage to break forth and set herself free. I say to her now: Your bravery is an example for everyone, and a reminder that it is never too late to go your own way in search of something better. Sending love….
Joan Didion wrote "We live by telling stories." Participating in this project has really made this powerfully clear; the palpable feeling of relief and contentment so strong when reading the words of others archived here, and submitting pieces of my own. In reviewing my own pieces, I am astonished by the depth I've reached in such short pieces. The one that means the most to me is "A Powerful Itch", on choosing, because that choice is really about finding the truth—uncovering, and telling.
Amy, these words from you for my mother will mean so so much to her. I will read them to her this evening, now I have got her home from hospital and settled back into her lovely flat (with its surround sound of seagulls and rooks).
I will love to make you one of the featured writers in Season Three, and will use this piece as the one you'd like to have showcased. I will come back here in the next fortnight to give you a link to a short Q&A I'd like you to complete so that I can share it with readers.
Our connection - first on Twitter, now on here - means so much to me. xx
For Season Three of The Cure for Sleep with Tanya Shadrick…
As you know, I’m wanting to begin featuring pieces from the story archive, and hope also to share some thoughts from their authors.
I’ve been trying to create a form for this purpose, but it’s getting too complicated. Instead, if you’d like to be featured, please may I ask you to give the following information here in comments?
Where are you based (country or county is fine)
Your bio (no more than 50 words; written in third person)
A link to your website or social media – only if you’d like that to be included
(Remind me of) The piece you’d like featured
Where are you in your creative journey right now – and how does writing for this story-sharing community support that? (no more than 100 words)
Is there anything else you’d like to say about how you came to join this community? (no more than 100 words)
2. Amy Millios is a poet and writer who primarily focuses her work on the lived experience of chronic illness and the intergenerational trauma that often informs and shapes it. She is also a keen photographer.
5. I’m currently working on a book of poetry; also pulling apart my master’s thesis in order to better shape it into the memoir on living with chronic illness I originally envisioned. Becoming involved with The Cure for Sleep story archive has been instrumental in keeping me motivated in my work: not only has it afforded me the opportunity to connect with like-minded writers, the open-ended response timeframes have helped me to begin developing my own workflow around and between the pain and fatigue that so often make life a challenge.
This is wonderful, Amy. Love how you've described your practice here. I will let you know in advance via here when 'your' issue is coming out. Thank you again for being one of the earliest and enduring contributors to this project. Txx
I'm so sorry to learn of your mother's diagnosis, Tanya. What a tender time this must be for your entire family, but especially for the two of you. In your characteristically thoughtful way, you've provided your readers with many ways to stay engaged with the beautiful threads you've created here, and with you as you go through this passage. I remember my own mother's transition days as a sacred time out of time. Although incredibly painful, moments still float to the surface of my memory that comfort me. I wish you both courage as you navigate this time together... May it be as gentle and loving, and full of gratitude for life and what you've shared together.
Marilyn, I love what you've said her about a 'transition time'. And also about the time out of time. Mum has come home now feeling she can beat the odds and have a year or more instead of only a few months - and while I hope that comes to pass, my role as carer is to watch for signs of further decline and when I'm needed here continuously til the end stage, to try and - yes - put myself in that other time dimension that we experience when new mothers, or caring for a new small animal that comes into our home, or being with the dying. I hope that my failures of patience and perspective in the past will prepare me now not to be lacking in that way of being. Thank you again for joining our story-sharing project here. xx
Tanya, my experience with my mother's transition is that the other time dimension can teach us so much. It was really my fast-track and initiation into elder hood which, of course, is ongoing... Much love to you both. xx
I continue to be struck by the tenderness of the photo of you and your mum. I admire you both so much for your willingness to have the hard discussions, to tell the truth and then the courage of your mum to really hear that truth so that the relationship could heal. Such a gift to all of us who read your book, who witnessed the power of change, a reminder of all that is possible, of new paths opening. Please share my gratitude to your mum for her graciousness in sharing these times with us, the offering of her struggles to continue to create meaning in her life, and therefore, in all of our lives, her ripple of compassion that will continue to move forth. It really has been her heroine’s journey to offer this sense of hope to us all, this challenge to live our lives to what is most true. It makes me smile to know that she was able to let go of all that held her tight and find true joy in her life. Much love to you both as you share these days together.
Sheila I will read your beautiful words aloud to Mum this evening, now that I've got her home from hospital and resettled into her beautiful seaside flat, loud with the sound of gulls and rooks.
Thank you again for being part of this community here. xx
Dear Tanya - I send gentle thoughts to you and your mother as you share hours of closeness and face private challenges. You are both in my thoughts often - because your writing gave me the chance to know your lives. To have that chance is a privilege. To learn how you came through pressures, crises, woes became inspirational. You are the bravest of the brave for doing that, for hurling away the mask, for not giving in, for fighting for your very identity. You will be drawing on that same shared strength now, I know.
I looked back at the three pieces I've contributed for The Cure for Sleep prompts and 'The most powerful gesture' for Gestures stands out as my 'favourite'. It takes me right back to a range of emotions over a lifetime, but has greater significance for honouring my dear dad. It speaks of his final day, and reminds me of the grief that is the inevitable price for love. In reading so many of the pieces posted by other writers, and certainly in your writing, this pairing are powerful players.
I hope you and your mother find comfort in the love that shines through in all the comments here. That love is the reflection of what you've shown to us, your community.
With love to both of you. Paul 🌿
So moved by your words here, Paul. Thank you. And I will love having you as a featured writer in a Season Three newsletter. In a few weeks I will come back here to comments with link to a form with a few questions I'd love you to answer so I can offer a short profile of you to readers of my substack, alongside your featured piece. Txx
For Season Three of The Cure for Sleep with Tanya Shadrick…
As you know, I’m wanting to begin featuring pieces from the story archive, and hope also to share some thoughts from their authors.
I’ve been trying to create a form for this purpose, but it’s getting too complicated. Instead, if you’d like to be featured, please may I ask you to give the following information here in comments?
Where are you based (country or county is fine)
Your bio (no more than 50 words; written in third person)
A link to your website or social media – only if you’d like that to be included
(Remind me of) The piece you’d like featured
Where are you in your creative journey right now – and how does writing for this story-sharing community support that? (no more than 100 words)
Is there anything else you’d like to say about how you came to join this community? (no more than 100 words)
Tanya,
This is the one that I would like to submit.
Sending love to you and your mom.
Sheila
(This was the third part of something I wrote a while back, the first part was about the women in my family, the second me as a mother. This is where play re-enters my life.)
Post-nest
Isostatic rebound – the rise of land masses that were depressed by the huge weight of ice sheets during the last ice age
I will go feral, slog off the domestication and responsibility that I willingly surrendered to when I entered motherhood, spend days in the woods, less constricted from others as well as my own tightly cocooned constraints. I re-wild my mind, learn to lean into the sun and let go in the wind, to bite when necessary, to sink into creek beds and to wallow in dirt like a buffalo, assured that where I wallow the deepest will become a vernal pool. No technology beyond a wooden clothespin, I will read stones and practice erosion, I will huff and stomp like a deer and run when life closes in. I will map wildflowers and sing to stars, read spots on fawns like the gypsy reads tarot cards, and be tossed like a willow in wind. I will uncurl, loosen like a fern, arch my back, further, further, opening up to the sky, I will receive. I will wrap myself in moss. I will be the pig digging and rooting through layers of soil to find what I want and devour it whole. I will be the cow that refuses to be prodded back into the barn, the cow who will face the elements and eat all the grass, trusting that it will regenerate. I will relax in the pasture, conversing with birds as they pick bugs out of my hair and absorb the day and the sunshine and the shade and the gray storm clouds and the rain, all of it.
I won’t be the squirrel who buries the nut and hopes something will be there when she returns.
I will rebound.
Hi Shelia, your Post-nest is sheer thrilling joy - so special it has made me want to run wild into the woods xx
Louise, Thank you and I hope you do run wild. I smiled big when I read this. If you want to read the two pieces that came before, they are under the Desire heading. xx
For Season Three of The Cure for Sleep with Tanya Shadrick…
As you know, I’m wanting to begin featuring pieces from the story archive, and hope also to share some thoughts from their authors.
I’ve been trying to create a form for this purpose, but it’s getting too complicated. Instead, if you’d like to be featured, please may I ask you to give the following information here in comments?
Where are you based (country or county is fine)
Your bio (no more than 50 words; written in third person)
A link to your website or social media – only if you’d like that to be included
(Remind me of) The piece you’d like featured
Where are you in your creative journey right now – and how does writing for this story-sharing community support that? (no more than 100 words)
Is there anything else you’d like to say about how you came to join this community? (no more than 100 words)
Tanya, After I wrote this, I read a few other comments and so often the phrase "generosity of spirit" was used to describe you that I almost felt I should change it....but then I thought that is nonsense, it gets used so often because it is so true. What a gift you have given us. xxx
Based: a rural county in Pennsylvania, United States
Bio: She is a mum, wife, friend, therapist, woods walker who tucks pieces of paper into pockets, carries thin journals everywhere, stuffed in purses, work bags, backpacks, always ready to catch a word, a phrase, something that strikes. She watches how these words pile up, find each other, shift around until they are stretched out and comfortable, found art.
No link
The hands piece since that's where it all started. So hard to decide!
Creative journey: My creative journey is like a sun-blinded bee, not sure exactly where it is going, but buzzing along nonetheless. Growing up I did not feel creative, never entertained the idea of writing at all, so now, most days, it is just pure fun. I spend a lot of time outside and reading natural history and then wait for the muse to offer links to human longing. Tanya’s space opened up new ways of writing due to having a specific prompt and the requested word limit which challenged me to be more precise and experimental. I have expanded my writing in ways that I wouldn’t have without this community.
Community: I found Tanya after hearing her on the Wintering Sessions with Katherine May and felt this immediate connection. Her book came out and I read and underlined and dog-eared so many pages, finished the book and started it again. Absorbing the spirit of the book, I decided to take a chance, feel the vulnerability of sharing my writing on her site. She has such a generosity of spirit and has created this community that is safe and encouraging for every contributor. She offers us the chance to share our stories, which is nothing less than sharing our lives, safely witnessed. So grateful.
Oh Sheila. That generosity you say you see in me - it comes from that near-death revelation of how little I'd risked and given. And of course the beauty of living now so differently is that I get back much much much more than I offer. I still don't think you fully understand how much I admire your writing, your way of seeing. I feel strongly that there will be a book by you one season soon. It will be my pleasure to showcase your work in a Season Three issue - and I will let you know in advance when 'yours' is due out. Txxx
Thank you, this brought a tear to my eye. So grateful for your encouragement and really appreciate that you think I could eventually do a book. I am really enjoying the writing I am doing now, just not even sure how to really describe it or how I could convince someone to publish it. xxx
Well most of my favourite books are hard to describe and don't seem to fit the prevailing publishing models of their time & place - what they are all infused by is their creators' love for their subjects. And of course once you've created a first draft...well it's not all on you to convince something to publish it. You will find supporters who help you with that (and I'd love to be one of those of course...) xxx
That's a nice way of thinking about it, that it doesn't have to fit the standard model. I will keep plucking away. I sincerely appreciate that offer. I know you are very busy now, but if you ever open up any paid mentorships, I will sign up immediately. Until then, I will continue to enjoy this project! Thank you! xx
Sheila - a joy to read this piece again. I'll be getting a link to a form out through this comments area next week through which I'd love you to say a bit about yourself so that I can use it alongside your piece when I feature you in a season 3 newsletter. While I'm using this annual gap month in the public side of the project to do behind the scenes work on it, I'm missing the monthly pleasure of putting a new prompt out for the community. Begin again at the end of March! Txxx
Thank you! I had a hard time deciding, started looking back through and want to change everything....Also, I saw your recommendation for All My Wild Mothers by Victoria Bennett and have been loving it. So good!
I've let Vik know that a very talented writer in this community has read and loved her book - and without naming you, I asked if might introduce you to Vik by email later in the year (if you'd like that) as I think you'd be a great contributor for her Wild Woman Writing Web - a monthly short essay, that in the past has included me, illustrator Jackie Morris and many more. Vik was thrilled to know her book was speaking to another woman in a different country, and she'd be glad for me to put you in touch.
Tanya, Wow, that would be amazing. I recently subscribed to her site and have loved reading through some of it and now that I've finished the book want to explore more thoroughly. She has done so much there. I bought a copy of The Lost Words a few years ago even though my kids were well beyond sitting and reading with me. Also incredible. It would really be an honor to be included. Can't even believe this! Thank you, again.
Ephemeral Beauty
I am a 68-year-old woman. This is the first time in my life that I am starting to feel old, even though I am still vibrant and energetic. Six years ago, I was forced to retire from an administrative county government job as a Director of Mental Health, Trauma, and Addiction Services. I was demoted a few months before my retirement based on age and gender discrimination, and my salary was cut by $30,000. It was the anti-climactic end of my 35-year career. It was a devastating loss.
I shifted my intellectual, analytical thinking to a more creative focus during the pandemic. I studied modern dance, which became a substitute for my job. However, it was a very different process, a different language. It was not a linear way of figuring things out; it was circuitous, grounded, and embodied. It became a way of creating beauty.
I had to become a beginner and put my ego aside to discover this new way of being. I became aware of my habits and patterns of movement. I had to allow my system to recalibrate and rewire from habitual patterns. My body trauma kept showing up. I had to take notice rather than bypass what felt uncomfortable and unfamiliar. I was holding my breath stuck with all the trauma I had stuffed into my body.
Six years later, I see myself in a new light. I thought my job was holding me hostage. Little did I know, it had become my job to hold onto all the trauma I had carried since childhood. My shoulders dropped as I let go. I could finally exhale as my eyes sparkled with curiosity. I have laugh lines and crow’s feet from weathering the storm. I have time now to question the paradox of ephemeral beauty.
Another moving piece from you, Anne. How glad I am you are part of this ongoing project.
There isn’t a section in the curated collection for this prompt, as I put it out when my mum was very ill for the first time. I’d love to add it to the archive though so wonder which of these feels like the best fit? Do let me know which of Birthday Letters, Size & Shape or Time would be best…
Txx
Tanya, so sorry about your mum, a difficult and surreal time. I feel this piece would probably fit best under Time. Thanks again! 💖
Here is your link as promised, Anne:
https://thecureforsleep.com/september-issue-on-time/#annecalajoe
On my second reading, I found myself being hit harder by the first part of your piece: those figures really hitting home - your 35 year career in such an important field being forced to an end, partly by that cruel and unusual $30k salary cut (which is one of the shocking ways large institutions force redundancies/resignations). And really taking that in, the enormity of it, makes your story of how you’ve responded these last six years still more moving.
Txx
I remember the day I committed to the challenge.
I was catatonic on the couch in an all too familiar swamp of depression.
Feeling worthless, pointless, listless-basically a plethora of adjectives ending in less, I decided that something had to give. I was genuinely fearful of what would happen if things continued as they were.
I dug out the sportiest attire I could muster, creased and foisty, after being neglected at the back of my wardrobe for years. Luckily, I found some trainers that looked the jogging type, although flattened and warped under bin bags full of bedding, which was past its best, but disposing of them had never been high on the priority list. I recalled buying them years earlier, when I had reached a previous depression wall; adamant that I would exercise it out of me.
Instead, I had dived into the sticky, tumultuous whirpool of self medication.
White powders, illuminous pills, and rivers of fizzy, amber liquid sedatives, followed by sleepy days in dark bedrooms, unsure if the light cast through the curtain crack was signalling dusk or dawn.
This realisation that ten years on, and I was still using the same coping mechanisms, ones which evidently weren’t working, spurred me on to pull on my leggings and tie up my trainers.
I left the house feeling like it was my first day at high school, head down, desperate not to look up and witness the giggles and points that my brain told me were inevitably occuring.
My head was dizzy, I felt nauseous, and with every step, my brain willed me to collapse to the ground, and just die.
I did my five minute warm up walk with a steely determination though, reaching the canal towpath, where I chose to jog, as I hoped it would be quiet, with minimal eyeballs to avoid.
The thick, black lettering on the giant wall of Chipwood was the ultimate laugh at my expense.
TOWPATH CLOSED.
I turned back, feeling ridiculous and dejected. This was a stupid idea anyway, I’m incapable of sticking to anything, and what difference is a bit of jogging going to make to my shit life anyway?
As I turned the corner to my house, a voice boomed through my headphones, telling me the warm up walk was nearly over and I needed to prepare myself to jog.
To my amazement, I walked straight past my house, and found myself on the stretch of scrubland next to the river a few streets away.
Even more shocking, a minute later and I found myself jogging.
Thirty seconds in and beads of sweat freckled my head, my lungs felt like they were burning, and my fatty stomach rippled below my DD boobs, nowhere near being properly supported by my ill fitting bra.
The intermittent walking was welcomed.
More than a pint of cold cider on a hot day, even more than a bump of cocaine after a week of serving others.
I hadn’t done this much physical exercise in years and it hurt, it really hurt.
I got home and looked in the mirror. My face was a big wet, red balloon-bloated and shiny.
If only I could stick a pin in and drain out all the crap. If only it was that easy.
In the following weeks, I dragged my defiant fat rolls, kicking and screaming (albeit lazy kicks) out onto hard concrete on a regular basis.
After a while belly laughs re-emerged, without breathlessness and without substances.
Lauren - you have such an ability to recreate a scene... I love what you're doing with these, and if you're able to edit this down from over 500 to the 300-word limit, I'd love to include it in the story archive... I appreciate you may not want to do that of course, so it will still find readers here in the thread.
I have in the past occasionally accepted pieces just over the 300-word limit, but now that the project has grown so much I'm needing to let everyone know when their contributions are over the limit!
Txxx
I was catatonic on the couch in an all too familiar swamp of depression.
Feeling worthless, pointless, listless-basically a plethora of adjectives ending in less.
After diving into the sticky, tumultuous whirlpool of self medication, something had to give.
White powders, illuminous pills, and rivers of fizzy, amber sedatives, followed by sleepy days in dark bedrooms; unsure if the light cast through the curtain crack was signalling dusk or dawn just wasn’t working.
I left the house feeling like it was my first day at high school.
My head was dizzy, I felt nauseous, and with every step, my brain willed me to collapse to the ground, and just die.
Reaching the canal, the thick, black lettering on the giant wall of Chipwood was the ultimate laugh at my expense.
TOWPATH CLOSED.
This was a stupid idea anyway-what difference is a bit of jogging going to make to my shit life?
As I turned the corner to my house, a voice boomed through my headphones, telling me the warm up walk was nearly over
Amazingly, I walked straight past my house, and a minute later had started to jog.
Thirty seconds in and beads of sweat freckled my head, my lungs felt like they were burning, and my fatty stomach rippled below my DD boobs.
The intermittent walking was welcomed-more than a pint of cold cider on a hot day, or a bump of cocaine after a week of serving others.
I got home and looked in the mirror. My face was a big wet, red balloon-bloated and shiny.
If only I could stick a pin in and drain out all the crap.
In the following weeks, I dragged my defiant fat rolls out onto hard concrete most days.
After a while belly laughs re-emerged, without breathlessness, without substances.
How well you recreate that time in your life - and a time so many of us have shared, even if the details of medication, weight, sadness are different. And that effort required to start moving differently, without audience, encouragement, external reward: how powerfully you show the weight of inertia, and what it takes to push through it.
There isn't a page in the story archive for the Taking Stock thread (it was the only month I wasn't able to issue a prompt, due to my mother's terminal diagnosis just being received). So I have curated it in the Rebirth theme. I hope that's okay...
Here is your link:
https://thecureforsleep.com/january-issue-on-rebirth/#laurenlongshaw
Txx
I would like my piece The whistle to be included as it celebrates my dad, a beautiful man who fought hard to stay with his family through illness but ultimately was called home to his maker ,and for all children that have to cope with the loss of a parent at a young age .
It is a truly beautiful piece you've written, and it will be a privilege to showcase it in a Season 3 monthly issue. Txxx
Born in chelmsford Essex
To parents from islands near and far from the UK .
Mother ,woman, hopeful human being .
Lover of words always on the look out for a soulful line to capture my heart .
Jack of all trade's sometimes nursery nurse to Gp receptionist ,Kitchen table thinker and writer when the mood takes me .
My writing came from wanting to purge feelings that I knew not where to put and this community has been a really beautiful place to place them. I most of all enjoy being able to delve inside people heads by way of their writing and as C.S.lewis says in the film shadowlands we read to know we're not alone ,this I have found to be complete true .
My journey to writing is yet to be written so i look forward to turning the pages and seeing what happens next .
So thanks a million as they say in ireland to Tanya, who without this community ,I would not be sure that my words would of made it out of mind or heart .
Love this biography you've shared Monique, and the Lewis ref. How much I love that film (and his book about that loss, A Grief Observed). It will be a pleasure to feature you and that beautiful tribute you wrote to your father. I will let you know when 'your' issue is coming up. Thank you as ever for being such a generous and bright-shining member of our community here. Excited for Season 3 starting next week! Txxx
Oh wow Tanya ,thank you so much ! So grateful for this truly !!!🙏 💓
Paul lives near Oxford. After a career teaching Classics, he now walks extensively within the British Isles and writes about nature. His writing ranges from ultra-short form to essays exploring threatened landscapes. He is heading towards the finishing line of Bath Spa University’s MA Travel and Nature Writing course.
Some of his work can be found at www.aleatorscribit.org. Twitter: @gegegamble Instagram: aleator1962
I chose ‘The most powerful gesture’ for my featured piece. Through recapturing a moment or episode from long ago, I often reach a better understanding of subsequent feelings and behaviour. I found my way to such writing before I was aware of The Cure for Sleep, but Tanya’s generous curation of writers’ offerings inspired me to fresh thinking and greater awareness of why I am as I am. A fledgling book project will see me revisiting many places from my past. Memories will be stirred, and the encouragement of Tanya and her community will help me to understand these.
Wonderful! Thank you Paul! I will let you know via Substack in advance of you being featured. It may be a while away, but I will get there. Tan x
Dear Tanya, thinking of you in these precious days for you and sending love.
I've re-read the three pieces I have written and my contribution to 'Gestures Remembered' is the one I am most proud of as it evokes precious people to me.
I have done some slightly more difficult writing in response to Taking Stock but I think it would sit wrongly on this feed - I have gone, as you suggested, where the resistance was. Instead, I have put it under Mirrors.
Thank you for everything Tanya xxx
For Season Three of The Cure for Sleep with Tanya Shadrick…
As you know, I’m wanting to begin featuring pieces from the story archive, and hope also to share some thoughts from their authors.
I’ve been trying to create a form for this purpose, but it’s getting too complicated. Instead, if you’d like to be featured, please may I ask you to give the following information here in comments?
Where are you based (country or county is fine)
Your bio (no more than 50 words; written in third person)
A link to your website or social media – only if you’d like that to be included
(Remind me of) The piece you’d like featured
Where are you in your creative journey right now – and how does writing for this story-sharing community support that? (no more than 100 words)
Is there anything else you’d like to say about how you came to join this community? (no more than 100 words)
Louise lives by the sea in South Wales. For a large part of her working life she has been a professional classical singer and since then has zig-zagged across other professions with jobs in farming, politics, mental health and event management. She is a lover of travel and wild places.
I would like my contribution in ‘Gestures Remembered’ to be featured, as it evokes such precious people to me. I am very much a fledgling, new writer. When I read The Cure for Sleep it awakened in me a soul journey of my own. Being part of this precious community has given me not only a safe space but also an imaginative framework to explore and experiment.
I've just curated your incredibly powerful new piece and you'll see my comment on that before this one, most likely. I'm working this week on getting a form set up that I can post a link to in comments so that you and other writers who I will be featuring can answer a few questions for me that I can then put alongside your pieces in future newsletters. xx
Dear Tanya
I have just read the final words of your soul searching memoir and wow what a journey you have been on, and are still on of course. I don't know that I can accurately capture the ride this book has taken me on over only the few days it took me to devour it. I know I will be forever positively transformed by your gift to the world! I cannot thank you enough!
When I read your opening lines in this 'Taking Stock' post I felt so sad that this impending transition of your relationship with your dear mama was happening so abruptly, however, after reading through many of the beautiful comments and your responses, I am relieved to read that you both, hopefully, have more time than first thought! I wish you and your mama so much peace and tranquility through this final chapter together in this realm. Love and hugs to you both xx
I have yet to share any stories of my own on here, having just found you on this platform. I have been reading through your past work, listening to your podcasts and reading the stories and have found it all to be so inspiring! I plan to share some stories of my own here, as I finally burst out of the aspiring writer's broom cupboard and tell the world that I would love to be a writer too!
Thank you for creating this community Tanya, it is an honour to be here!
Love to you both xx
Tracey - how very moved I am by the way you've responded so fully to my book, and for your kindness in writing to me like this. I read your words to Nye too, and it meant a great deal to him as well (although I wrote the book, I see it as a product of the life I've shared with him, and so when words like yours come through, I feel they are for him too).
Mum is strangely happy - said to me just the other day after coming home to her little flat after hours out on the mobility scooter we bought after her hospital stay and diagnosis: 'Well if this is dying, Tan, I'm the happiest I've ever been.' It's poignant because of all the years she was kept away from that same happy outgoing self of her 20s by a bad marriage and worries over what people would think if she walked free of it...but joyful too. There will be a harder stage soon, but until we're there, she and I are enjoying every day we have together.
How good it will be to receive some true stories from you in return: and that's all it takes to be a writer in the world after all! Daring to share something of how you see the world and putting it somewhere others will read it - as will happen here.
xxx
Dear Tanya
Oh yes most definitely Nye is an integral part of TCFS and well to be completely honest, I have not met or heard of a man so selfless!
Your mama is amazing, being so willing to embrace happiness and not allow herself to be held back by a myriad of negative emotions. Such a strong woman!
I am looking forward to adding my stories to this beautiful space, thank you again for creating it.
T xx
Dear Tanya,
These are heartbreaking news, I am so very sorry to hear them. But your mother is such a strong person and is now surrounded by so much love - I hope with all my heart that you have a year or more together still; it is amazing what love can do. I have arrived at your book and this wonderful space you created not that long ago, but already you and your mother have had a huge positive impact in my life, for which I am so grateful to you both. You have no idea of the strength you give me. Please do pass my thank you, my admiration and my love to Margaret. And much love to you too. xx
I will read these beautiful words to my Mum. Thank you so much Maria. I'm so very glad you were one of my mentees last year - and hope we will be talking about life and writing for a long time to come. xxx
I'm sending gentle hugs Tanya xx
Thank you Wendy. I was in the online audience for Vik's launch last week, while Mum dozed beside me. Had a huge and happy smile on my face when I heard V praise you as one of her mentors! xx
Oh! Thank you! That's made my day. I wasn't able to make the launch, I was so sad to not see the book at its conclusion and release into the world.
That is a warm, loving photograph of you and your Mum Margaret in a head embrace; fills me with deep feeling. You look so comfortable and connected together. I am so sorry to hear of your Mum's diagnosis. Please send her my warmest thoughts
I share your feelings at the moment. I have just returned from Gloucester where I have been with my brother Michael who was diagnosed with a brain tumour last September. He will die in the next few months. It is a sad, sad time.
Thinking of you, your Mum and my brother pulls me back to the November issue, On Regret. I choose this piece of work because it opens up my memory book of Olive my Mum. Take care xx
For Season Three of The Cure for Sleep with Tanya Shadrick…
As you know, I’m wanting to begin featuring pieces from the story archive, and hope also to share some thoughts from their authors.
I’ve been trying to create a form for this purpose, but it’s getting too complicated. Instead, if you’d like to be featured, please may I ask you to give the following information here in comments?
Where are you based (country or county is fine)
Your bio (no more than 50 words; written in third person)
A link to your website or social media – only if you’d like that to be included
(Remind me of) The piece you’d like featured
Where are you in your creative journey right now – and how does writing for this story-sharing community support that? (no more than 100 words)
Is there anything else you’d like to say about how you came to join this community? (no more than 100 words)
Thank you for your kind words, Steve, and I'm so sorry to know what you and your brother are going through: hard to be the one going; hard to be the ones who have to watch and live on.
I will love to feature you and your words in Season Three. In a few weeks I will use comments here to give you a link to a form with a few questions I'd like you to answer so I can run a profile of you as well as your Regret piece. xx
Tanya, that's very kind. I wasn't sure if you would have time or headspace to look at it. I don't think I have your email address. I hope things aren't too difficult at the moment for you or your mum. I think of you often.
For Season Three of The Cure for Sleep with Tanya Shadrick…
As you know, I’m wanting to begin featuring pieces from the story archive, and hope also to share some thoughts from their authors.
I’ve been trying to create a form for this purpose, but it’s getting too complicated. Instead, if you’d like to be featured, please may I ask you to give the following information here in comments?
Where are you based (country or county is fine)
Your bio (no more than 50 words; written in third person)
A link to your website or social media – only if you’d like that to be included
(Remind me of) The piece you’d like featured
Where are you in your creative journey right now – and how does writing for this story-sharing community support that? (no more than 100 words)
Is there anything else you’d like to say about how you came to join this community? (no more than 100 words)
It has come through to me, and I will begin reading early next week, with pleasure. xxx
Dear Tanya…I have been thinking of you and your mum lots since you shared the sad news with all of us. What a privilege it has been to be an active witness to her story, her unfolding late in life….her courage to break forth and set herself free. I say to her now: Your bravery is an example for everyone, and a reminder that it is never too late to go your own way in search of something better. Sending love….
Joan Didion wrote "We live by telling stories." Participating in this project has really made this powerfully clear; the palpable feeling of relief and contentment so strong when reading the words of others archived here, and submitting pieces of my own. In reviewing my own pieces, I am astonished by the depth I've reached in such short pieces. The one that means the most to me is "A Powerful Itch", on choosing, because that choice is really about finding the truth—uncovering, and telling.
Amy, these words from you for my mother will mean so so much to her. I will read them to her this evening, now I have got her home from hospital and settled back into her lovely flat (with its surround sound of seagulls and rooks).
I will love to make you one of the featured writers in Season Three, and will use this piece as the one you'd like to have showcased. I will come back here in the next fortnight to give you a link to a short Q&A I'd like you to complete so that I can share it with readers.
Our connection - first on Twitter, now on here - means so much to me. xx
For Season Three of The Cure for Sleep with Tanya Shadrick…
As you know, I’m wanting to begin featuring pieces from the story archive, and hope also to share some thoughts from their authors.
I’ve been trying to create a form for this purpose, but it’s getting too complicated. Instead, if you’d like to be featured, please may I ask you to give the following information here in comments?
Where are you based (country or county is fine)
Your bio (no more than 50 words; written in third person)
A link to your website or social media – only if you’d like that to be included
(Remind me of) The piece you’d like featured
Where are you in your creative journey right now – and how does writing for this story-sharing community support that? (no more than 100 words)
Is there anything else you’d like to say about how you came to join this community? (no more than 100 words)
1. Based in New England - United States
2. Amy Millios is a poet and writer who primarily focuses her work on the lived experience of chronic illness and the intergenerational trauma that often informs and shapes it. She is also a keen photographer.
3. amrambles.squarespace.com
4. On Choosing
5. I’m currently working on a book of poetry; also pulling apart my master’s thesis in order to better shape it into the memoir on living with chronic illness I originally envisioned. Becoming involved with The Cure for Sleep story archive has been instrumental in keeping me motivated in my work: not only has it afforded me the opportunity to connect with like-minded writers, the open-ended response timeframes have helped me to begin developing my own workflow around and between the pain and fatigue that so often make life a challenge.
This is wonderful, Amy. Love how you've described your practice here. I will let you know in advance via here when 'your' issue is coming out. Thank you again for being one of the earliest and enduring contributors to this project. Txx
🙏Xx Amy
I'm so sorry to learn of your mother's diagnosis, Tanya. What a tender time this must be for your entire family, but especially for the two of you. In your characteristically thoughtful way, you've provided your readers with many ways to stay engaged with the beautiful threads you've created here, and with you as you go through this passage. I remember my own mother's transition days as a sacred time out of time. Although incredibly painful, moments still float to the surface of my memory that comfort me. I wish you both courage as you navigate this time together... May it be as gentle and loving, and full of gratitude for life and what you've shared together.
Marilyn, I love what you've said her about a 'transition time'. And also about the time out of time. Mum has come home now feeling she can beat the odds and have a year or more instead of only a few months - and while I hope that comes to pass, my role as carer is to watch for signs of further decline and when I'm needed here continuously til the end stage, to try and - yes - put myself in that other time dimension that we experience when new mothers, or caring for a new small animal that comes into our home, or being with the dying. I hope that my failures of patience and perspective in the past will prepare me now not to be lacking in that way of being. Thank you again for joining our story-sharing project here. xx
Tanya, my experience with my mother's transition is that the other time dimension can teach us so much. It was really my fast-track and initiation into elder hood which, of course, is ongoing... Much love to you both. xx
Tanya,
I continue to be struck by the tenderness of the photo of you and your mum. I admire you both so much for your willingness to have the hard discussions, to tell the truth and then the courage of your mum to really hear that truth so that the relationship could heal. Such a gift to all of us who read your book, who witnessed the power of change, a reminder of all that is possible, of new paths opening. Please share my gratitude to your mum for her graciousness in sharing these times with us, the offering of her struggles to continue to create meaning in her life, and therefore, in all of our lives, her ripple of compassion that will continue to move forth. It really has been her heroine’s journey to offer this sense of hope to us all, this challenge to live our lives to what is most true. It makes me smile to know that she was able to let go of all that held her tight and find true joy in her life. Much love to you both as you share these days together.
Sheila I will read your beautiful words aloud to Mum this evening, now that I've got her home from hospital and resettled into her beautiful seaside flat, loud with the sound of gulls and rooks.
Thank you again for being part of this community here. xx